You both were the closest person to me. One was my boyfriend the other is my bestfriend. Seriously, i don't wish to say this, but fuck it. What the hell do you both take me for? Like a fool again? For a cu=ouple of MONTHS , the both of you conspired and kept me in the dark. I cried as if the world has come to an end, but boy, did you ever care? After all i've done for you, what you gave me in return, was just a full piece of shit. Have you heard of the saying that: by saying one lie, it takes ten lies to cover? There you were, swearing your life off, telling me you are only devoted to me, and on the other hand, having such a fun time using your glib tongue to sweet-talk my bestfriend. Names like baby & darling, you called her that under my nose. You're just creating contradictions. What's all these? Where's your heart? Or in fact, do you even have one? Tell me exactly, what do you want? Now, you're just breaking two hearts in one time in addition, almost tearing the friendship btwn us and you're still enjoying life out there. My frens are right, i shouldn't blame myself. Because you were the one who set my heart in agony and yet i'm the only one attached when you can't even be bothered; not a little affect by all means. I don't really blame her anymore. It isn't her fault for not telling me. All she wnted to do was to avoid hurting me. And as for the other girl, i dunt realy blame her too. It isn't her fault to stead u. You are the one hu asked her for stead and lied to her tat u are still single. Why? Why?? WHY???! My heart's aching. For the fact that you brought laughter and joy into my life, I promise you, i'll bare this in my mind even when i'm lying my body in the coffin on the day of my death. You were once the guy i wanted to spent the rest of my life with but seems like i was just having a concussion then. I'm utterly disappointed in you. The other guy i fell for, before you treated me this way and caused me to become so paranoid. I thought you will never do this to me like how he did. But who knows, i was just too naive to have trusted guys again. None of you are trueful. Who to blame? I guess it's myself. I seek advices but yet listen to none of them because they all don't agree on this relaionship. In the past, i felt that i was so fortunate to have a boyfriend like you but i guess time have changed, minds have changed and we humans, have changed. Surprisingly you changed so intensively much over such a short period of time; i made belief not to judge a book by its cover anymore. I think twice and let each word run through my mind when every now and then you tell me you still love me; because you are saying it to her as well. Which of them does your words mean what it defines? Towards who are your feelings genuine? Or NONE? What's the point of saying sorry to me everytime you hurt me when you know that it doesn't cure. Whatever you do now, i only believe actions speaks louder than words. Prove it to me that you're able to earn my trust or if you can't even be bothered to do so, then i guess it's a wrong decision made for loving you from the start. I'm tired of repeating myself, so tired of listening to your yelling and sweet-talk, so tired of your lies and so tired of loving you. You make me feel that there isn't any more values in me to carry on leading my life in this world. I wish i could just have a moment without oxygen and die off without any pain nor lead on life with so much sufferings so i wouldn't have to hurt anymore and everything can be washed off my memory. Why enter my life in the first place when your intentions was only to leave me in the end? Why gave me so many empty promises when you knew you couldn't keep to them? Why have you got to stab me by the heart when you knew my heart was already made fragile from the start? Why write so many things to me on your blog to show everybody when you don't even mean a single word you said? All those things you've told her, came to my knowledge and i couldn't absorb any. My mind's bursting or rather, exploding. Why? ...... T.T The most amazing thing was, you could even pretend nothing's happened after these incident. You're just taking my love for granted. You vent your frustrations on me when you were unhappy and talk to her when you're happy. I kneel on the ground calling out for despair, crying my heart out until all my tears were coming to a drying up point but there you were still happily enjoying your sweet time with her. I wonder if you ever stopped and thought of what you've done to me was what i ought to deserve after putting in so much stiem & sweat for you. I put my heart & soul into this relationship but i seem to be the only one there, like a typical idiot trying to maintain the love. I don't know if i mean what i'm gonna express or is it just because i'm under a moment of anger but, after all you've done to me, this should be all i want to say to you. So, I'm about to say this, i regretted loving you from the beginning. I hope you comprehend this whole message i've written to you, if you don't, i think i might have wasted my effort typing this after so long. Last but not least, i'm saying this not to make you feel indebted, apologetic or like wise, sympathetic towards me because i know it's pointless, you won't feel a little of them at all. But just to let you know that all these concerns all the affairs of the heart and if you're going to continue hurting me,even considering how much i love you, i'll be determined to get you out of my life. Do me this favour, follow your heart and just make a final decision on who you really love. Be responsible for your own actions don't be a coward by avoiding the fact and reality. That's when i think you're worth my respect. Goodbye darling ♥