I've lost all belief

I had in myself

The person I see in the mirror is somebody else

I don't know these eyes

there was a sparkle in mine and

I don't know this mouth that fakes a smile all the time

I look at my heart and all i find is a broken heart

What' has happened to the old me?

Oh boy, I really am no good

I didn't mean to do it

Nevertheless I hate myself and deeply regret it

I wish I hadn't done it

I wish I'd turn back time

but this is reality with no such thing as rewind

I guess I just have to come over it and live with myself

But the face in my mirror still belongs to somebody else

'Cause I've lost trace of who I really am

Hope I'll find myself soon and then I'll be back again

I guess i have to move on with life. All the laughters.. all the fun we had tgt, will be gone after tdy..

Why do i have to endure this agony over and over agn?

What have i done so wrong that i have to go thorugh all these hurt over and over agn?

Shedding tears so often that my eyes are swollen almost everyday

Having to let u go is so hard

and so painful and yet, i have to let u go

please, anyone, tell me what i have done so wrong :(

life sucks

Labels: My heart can be broken numerous times but it will beat just the same.

♥ Saturday, September 26, 2009

This photo was taken quite long ago. but well.. MEMORIES <3

Quite a few things happened during the sept hols but well.. i am lazy to blog (:
tehehe.
I shall just blog abt wat happened tdy. WOOHOOO~ today was awesomeeeee~~~
well.. aiya. i shall stop using well. We sould avoid cliche ya ! >.<
anyways, bk to the topic.
Lessons skip skip skip skip
i could skip CHINESE lesson for arnd 20 mins !!!!! (:
WOOHOOOO ! CHINESE IS THE WORST SUBJECT EVER. BLEEHHS
oh and a couple of them recieved detention form just coz they went bk to their seats when the lesson was over ==
HE IS THE ONE TAT SHUD GO TO DETENTION LUHHHSS.
HE LOVES PINK FORM SO MUCHHH THEN I GIVE HIM LUHHHSS. arghh
oh and had to stand up during cheena lesson coz i was toking
HU CARES ABT CHINESE ANYWAY? YUCK
skip skip skip
Skipped malay class after schl coz it was an optional kinda thing (=
went to j8 instead
AHAHHA. THIS IS THE FUNNIEST PART !
yume, keryn and i went to macs to eat
and we were eating, chatting and laughing for the whole time
and there was this 2 guys at my left side
and another 2 guys (hotter ones) on my right side
1 mushroom head guy looked at me
i looked at him 2
he glared at me for a long time
i glared bk (:
he stared at me
i stared bk
WAKAKAKA.
den den den
he was gossiping abt me to the other fren of his
his fren stared at me
i opened my eyes BIG BIG and stared bk wif a menacing smile
keryn and yume burst out laughing
yume puked her ice out and it landed on my arms
EEWWW. BE MORE CIVILISED PLLSSS T_T
so after tat, they just kept staring at me
well.. of course i stared bk (:
but after awhile, i got sick of them
coz they weren't HOT or anything >:D
so i told yume and keryn tat they were just spoiling my eyesight
(jokingly of course)
so i turned to look at the hotter guys
and i said OMG THEY ARE HOTTTT
den tat guy hu was facing me stared wif a shy smile
so i was like NONONO NOT UUUUUU. UR OTHER FREN....
yume and keryn burst out laughing agn ==
but this time, yume was mre civilised and put a plastic bag under her mouth
she puked the ice out into the plastic bk
gross -.-
yume wanted a btr view of the HOT guy
so she came to sit beside me
den den den
they stood up to go somewhr
yume had a close view of him (side view actually)
she puked out her ice and screamed EEEEWWW
tat HOT guy was walking RIGHT past her
everyone in macs was staring at us
damn ps luhhhs yume
yume: EEWWW. HE WHR GOT HOT
me: he is HOT. it's just tat u nvr see closely
oh yea keryn was literally crying after so much laughter ==
dunt understand them though
AHAHAHA~
but sadly, the HOT guy went off. but not before giving me a sweet? shy? evil? smile
den got one new guy came. (the left side)
tat converse bag guy stared at me
me: SIMI TAICHI LUHHS?
he: just smiled
the tall arse said : eh. r u jerryl lim's sis?
me: hu the heck is she/ he?
tall arse: nvr reply
me: HU IS HE/ SHE LUHHHS?
he: ignored me agn
me: EHHHH THE OTHER GUY. THE MUSHROOM HEAD DE. HU IS TAT PERSON ARHX?
he: no one
(all of them carried their bags and went)
me: let's stalk them
yume and keryn: kays.
stalked stalked stalked
tat tall arse said smth but i forgot ==
awhile ltr, we realised tat we were just wasting our times on them
so we just went away
AND THIS IS THE WORST PART (for keryn tat is)
we saw keryn's ex !!!!!
keryn walked past him but he just ignored her
basket luhhhs he
so i ran one whole big round just to catch up wif him
me: r u keryn's ex?
he: excuse me but i am not (gave me a sweet smile)
me: oh shiet. sorry. i think i mistook u
(ran away)
damn ps luhhs
i was asking keryn if she is sure tat he is her ex
den she say she cmf ==
aiya. basket luuhhss he
To noe mre, go to yume's blog bahs~
i think she got blog (:
hehehe.
gtg chiong my hws
byees fellow readers ! (((((((:

Had Band practice frm 9.30 to 4.30. For a cuple of hrs, we were just basically sorting things out in the storeroom. Clearing up and stuff. Freaking tiring. Got myself all dirtied. YUCK ! Well.. when i was claening the windows, there were bird or wateva creature's shit. GROSS ! eekk. oh and thks yusof of hafiz for the chocolates although i dunt realy favour them... == LOL~ The past few days have been a real tiring + fun + laughters (: learned a lot of things too ! WOOHOO ! DOG-LESS I PWN U <3 oh yea peeps. FFF rocks canx~ It's a joy to spam ppl's values XD lazy to post. sorry ya ! >.< byees

You both were the closest person to me. One was my boyfriend the other is my bestfriend. Seriously, i don't wish to say this, but fuck it. What the hell do you both take me for? Like a fool again? For a cu=ouple of MONTHS , the both of you conspired and kept me in the dark. I cried as if the world has come to an end, but boy, did you ever care? After all i've done for you, what you gave me in return, was just a full piece of shit. Have you heard of the saying that: by saying one lie, it takes ten lies to cover? There you were, swearing your life off, telling me you are only devoted to me, and on the other hand, having such a fun time using your glib tongue to sweet-talk my bestfriend. Names like baby & darling, you called her that under my nose. You're just creating contradictions. What's all these? Where's your heart? Or in fact, do you even have one? Tell me exactly, what do you want? Now, you're just breaking two hearts in one time in addition, almost tearing the friendship btwn us and you're still enjoying life out there. My frens are right, i shouldn't blame myself. Because you were the one who set my heart in agony and yet i'm the only one attached when you can't even be bothered; not a little affect by all means. I don't really blame her anymore. It isn't her fault for not telling me. All she wnted to do was to avoid hurting me. And as for the other girl, i dunt realy blame her too. It isn't her fault to stead u. You are the one hu asked her for stead and lied to her tat u are still single. Why? Why?? WHY???! My heart's aching. For the fact that you brought laughter and joy into my life, I promise you, i'll bare this in my mind even when i'm lying my body in the coffin on the day of my death. You were once the guy i wanted to spent the rest of my life with but seems like i was just having a concussion then. I'm utterly disappointed in you. The other guy i fell for, before you treated me this way and caused me to become so paranoid. I thought you will never do this to me like how he did. But who knows, i was just too naive to have trusted guys again. None of you are trueful. Who to blame? I guess it's myself. I seek advices but yet listen to none of them because they all don't agree on this relaionship. In the past, i felt that i was so fortunate to have a boyfriend like you but i guess time have changed, minds have changed and we humans, have changed. Surprisingly you changed so intensively much over such a short period of time; i made belief not to judge a book by its cover anymore. I think twice and let each word run through my mind when every now and then you tell me you still love me; because you are saying it to her as well. Which of them does your words mean what it defines? Towards who are your feelings genuine? Or NONE? What's the point of saying sorry to me everytime you hurt me when you know that it doesn't cure. Whatever you do now, i only believe actions speaks louder than words. Prove it to me that you're able to earn my trust or if you can't even be bothered to do so, then i guess it's a wrong decision made for loving you from the start. I'm tired of repeating myself, so tired of listening to your yelling and sweet-talk, so tired of your lies and so tired of loving you. You make me feel that there isn't any more values in me to carry on leading my life in this world. I wish i could just have a moment without oxygen and die off without any pain nor lead on life with so much sufferings so i wouldn't have to hurt anymore and everything can be washed off my memory. Why enter my life in the first place when your intentions was only to leave me in the end? Why gave me so many empty promises when you knew you couldn't keep to them? Why have you got to stab me by the heart when you knew my heart was already made fragile from the start? Why write so many things to me on your blog to show everybody when you don't even mean a single word you said? All those things you've told her, came to my knowledge and i couldn't absorb any. My mind's bursting or rather, exploding. Why? ...... T.T The most amazing thing was, you could even pretend nothing's happened after these incident. You're just taking my love for granted. You vent your frustrations on me when you were unhappy and talk to her when you're happy. I kneel on the ground calling out for despair, crying my heart out until all my tears were coming to a drying up point but there you were still happily enjoying your sweet time with her. I wonder if you ever stopped and thought of what you've done to me was what i ought to deserve after putting in so much stiem & sweat for you. I put my heart & soul into this relationship but i seem to be the only one there, like a typical idiot trying to maintain the love. I don't know if i mean what i'm gonna express or is it just because i'm under a moment of anger but, after all you've done to me, this should be all i want to say to you. So, I'm about to say this, i regretted loving you from the beginning. I hope you comprehend this whole message i've written to you, if you don't, i think i might have wasted my effort typing this after so long. Last but not least, i'm saying this not to make you feel indebted, apologetic or like wise, sympathetic towards me because i know it's pointless, you won't feel a little of them at all. But just to let you know that all these concerns all the affairs of the heart and if you're going to continue hurting me,even considering how much i love you, i'll be determined to get you out of my life. Do me this favour, follow your heart and just make a final decision on who you really love. Be responsible for your own actions don't be a coward by avoiding the fact and reality. That's when i think you're worth my respect. Goodbye darling ♥

couldn't celebrate my bdae ystrdy coz was damn freaking busy T_T
gona celebrate tdy and tmrw though (:
OH and thanks everyone for the wonderful prezzies and wishes ! >.<


YESTERDAY
was realy tiring
during band, did a lot of physical training and punishments ==
CC farted damn freaking loud when we were being punished
and i was trying my best nt to laugh
but heng JEM was blocking me frm the cher's views
JEM kena scolded. HAHAHAHAHA~
couldn't stop laughing (:
it was srsly damn hilarious canx..
OH YEA
JEM'S BDAE FALLS ON THE SAME DAY AS ME XD
HAPPY BDAE JEM !~
all the band ppl sang happy bdae for us (:
how sweet~ thks a lot peepo !
after tat, i had to chiong for tution


TODAY
going to bugis wif my lovely frens <3
gona slack until arnd 6 plus den go for concert ~ (:
shalalalala~
cnt wait for the concert manx~


TOMORROW (i have my plans all planned in my head)
going to meet my church frens and korean frens
well.. they are all korean
WAKAKAKAKA~
going for chalet.
OMG. I miss my frens so so so so so so so so much ! >.<
cnt wait for it too !
awww~ but after tat nid to study lyk siao lorhx T_T


OH YEA.
i took this fb quiz on how random i am and i got 100%
hahahahaha
i am random + blur @_@
and i miss HIM so much..
arghhhh. screw u for making me wait so long
kaykays~
caos~ *copyrighted*
this bloggie is irritating me
cnt ipload pics, cnt add colours or videos==
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Labels: LoVe always end with a goodbye

quite a few things happened tdy ==
nt realy gd stuff. ARGHHH
i literally cried coz the table thingy slashed my skin
my feet was like totally numb and it hurt A LOT
cmf will have scar ltr on.. EEWWWW
all thanks to AHEM and AHEM
shall nt blame them. nt realy my style to blame ppl. AHAHAH
i was clumsy so yea.. my fault
and well.. wore a new schl shoes tdy
and i wore ankle sock
so the new shoes cut my skin
thanks to jieli for her WONDERFUL plaster <3
HAHAHHAA.
after schl, had band pratice and blahx
was boring. the new instructor is wayyy boring for my liking
hahax.
OHRX YEA. the WORST PART COMES TO MY BLARDY MATH RESULT ! ARGHHHH
17/20 expected full marks
but well.. i was damn fcuking careless
the qn ask me draw and i wrote working ==
YEA LAH YEA LAH YEA LAH
DRAW DRAW DRAW
if i ever become the setter of exam paper
i will CAPITALIZE THE WORD DRAWWWW AND HIGHLIGHT IT WIF A SPEACIAL INK==
and the cher minus mark coz i am supposed to draw DOTTED lines but well
i didn't draw a dotted line
ARGHHHH !
damn infuriating luhhhs
OH and i left my hist file inside the band room
oh shiet. got hw nid to do lehhhss
aiya.
tdy was just a damn suay day
HAIIIIIZZZZZ